When someone you love is diagnosed with cancer, you may feel helpless. You want to fix it, to make it go away, but you can't. What you can do is show up — and that matters more than you know.
Listen more than you speak. Sometimes your loved one needs to vent, to cry, or to sit in silence. You don't need to have the right words. Your presence is the message. Resist the urge to fill every silence with reassurance. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply sit beside them and let them know you're not going anywhere.
Offer specific help, not general offers. Instead of "let me know if you need anything," try "I'm bringing dinner on Thursday" or "I'll drive you to your appointment on Tuesday." Specific offers are easier to accept. People dealing with cancer are often too exhausted to think about what they need, let alone ask for it. When you take the guesswork out of help, you remove a burden.
Respect their autonomy. Your loved one is still the same person they were before their diagnosis. Let them make their own decisions about their treatment and their life. Offer support, not control. It can be tempting to take over, especially when you're scared, but remember that maintaining a sense of agency is deeply important for someone facing cancer.
Educate yourself — but carefully. Understanding their diagnosis can help you be more supportive, but avoid overwhelming them with research or unsolicited treatment suggestions. Let them lead the conversation about their illness. Follow their cues about how much they want to discuss.
Be consistent. One of the hardest parts of a cancer journey is how some people disappear. The friends who stop calling, the family members who get uncomfortable. Don't be that person. Show up again and again, even when it's hard, even when you don't know what to say.
Take care of yourself too. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Make sure you're eating, sleeping, and finding moments for yourself. Your wellbeing matters in this journey. Supporting someone with cancer is a marathon, not a sprint, and you need to pace yourself so you can be there for the long road ahead.