Children are perceptive. Even very young children can sense when something is wrong in the family — the hushed phone calls, the worried faces, the disrupted routines. While it's natural to want to protect them from painful truths, research and experience consistently show that age-appropriate honesty helps children cope better than being kept in the dark. Silence doesn't protect them; it isolates them.
Use simple, honest language. For young children, you might say: "Grandma has a sickness called cancer. The doctors are giving her special medicine to help her feel better." You don't need to explain everything — just enough for them to understand what's happening. Avoid euphemisms like "going away" or "sleeping," which can create confusion and fear around everyday things.
Reassure them it's not their fault. Children often engage in magical thinking and may blame themselves for bad things that happen. They might think an angry thought or a misbehavior caused the illness. Make it clear and repeat as needed: nothing they did, said, or thought caused this. Cancer is a sickness that just happens, and it's nobody's fault.
Welcome their questions — all of them. Answer honestly at their developmental level. It's perfectly okay to say "I don't know" — that's honest too, and it models that uncertainty doesn't have to be terrifying. Let them know they can always come to you with questions or feelings, no matter how big or small. Some children won't ask questions right away. That's fine. Leave the door open.
Maintain routines when possible. Routines provide security and predictability. Try to keep school, activities, mealtimes, and bedtimes as normal as possible. When the world feels uncertain, consistency in daily life helps children feel safe and grounded. If disruptions are unavoidable, explain them and reassure the child that the change is temporary.
Watch for behavioral changes. Some children act out, some become clingy, some withdraw, some have trouble sleeping or start wetting the bed again. These are normal responses to stress and fear. Be patient with these changes. If they persist or intensify, consider speaking with a child therapist who has experience with families affected by illness.
Let them be involved if they want to be. Drawing a picture for the patient, writing a card, helping prepare a meal, or visiting when appropriate can help children feel included and useful rather than helpless. Feeling like they can contribute, even in small ways, gives children a sense of purpose during a time that feels out of control.
Above all, let them see that it's okay to feel sad, scared, or confused — and that your family will get through this together.