The moment you have been dreading has arrived, and nothing could have truly prepared you for it. Whether your loved one's passing came after a long battle or happened more suddenly than expected, the first days after loss often feel like moving through a thick fog. Time seems to stretch and compress in strange ways. You might find yourself forgetting to eat, or unable to sleep, or sleeping far more than usual. All of this is normal. All of this is your mind and body trying to absorb something that feels impossible to hold.
You may feel numb, and that numbness might frighten you. You might wonder why you are not crying more, or why you cannot stop crying. Some people feel a strange sense of relief — especially if their loved one suffered greatly — and then feel guilty for feeling relieved. Others feel rage, or a hollow emptiness, or a desperate urge to stay busy so they do not have to sit with the silence. There is no correct emotional response to loss. Whatever you are feeling right now is valid, and it does not define how much you loved the person you lost.
The practical demands of these early days can feel both overwhelming and strangely grounding. There are calls to make, arrangements to plan, people arriving at your door. Some people find comfort in having tasks to focus on. Others feel resentful that the world expects them to function when their world has just shattered. If you can, let someone you trust help carry the logistical weight. You do not have to do everything yourself, and accepting help is not a sign of weakness — it is an act of survival.
People around you will say things that are meant to comfort but may not land well. "They're in a better place." "At least they're not suffering anymore." "You need to be strong." These words usually come from love, even when they sting. You do not owe anyone a particular response. You do not have to perform grief in a way that makes others comfortable. A simple "thank you" is enough if that is all you have.
In these first days, be as gentle with yourself as you would be with someone you love deeply — because that is exactly who you are right now: someone who deserves tenderness. Drink water. Lie down even if you cannot sleep. Let the tears come when they come. And know this: you do not have to figure out how to live without them today. You only have to get through this moment, and then the next one. That is enough.