There is a particular pride that many families carry about handling things themselves. "We're fine, we've got it, we don't need anything." This pride is understandable. It comes from a genuine desire to protect dignity, to not be a burden, to maintain a sense of control in a situation that feels wildly out of control.
But cancer at a certain point exceeds what any family can realistically manage alone. And the families who recognize this and reach out tend to do better — not just practically, but emotionally — than the ones who insist on doing everything themselves.
Asking for help as a family requires a shift in how you think about it. It is not a sign that you are not capable. It is a sign that the situation is genuinely difficult, and that you are wise enough to recognize it. Anyone who has not been through something like this may not fully understand the magnitude of what is required — the physical, emotional, and logistical demands of supporting someone through cancer are genuinely extraordinary.
Start with the people who are already offering. Most people, when someone they know is going through cancer, want to help but do not know how. They say "let me know if you need anything" and then wait. Give them something specific: "Could you bring dinner on Tuesdays?" "Could you drive him to his Thursday appointment?" "Could you mow the lawn this week?" Specific asks make it easy to say yes.
Think about who in your broader network might be able to help with things you have not thought to ask about — an accountant who can help navigate insurance paperwork, a neighbor who can watch the kids for an afternoon, a member of your faith community who can coordinate a meal train. The resources in most people's networks are larger than they realize when they actually look.
Consider professional support services. Home health aides, respite care, social workers, patient navigators — all of these exist specifically because families should not have to do this alone. They are not admissions of failure. They are appropriate uses of resources that were designed for exactly this situation.