There is a particular guilt that comes with caregiving. You are not the one who is sick. You are not the one going through treatment. How dare you have needs, or limits, or moments when you just cannot give any more? This guilt — the sense that any amount of self-care is somehow a betrayal of the person you are caring for — is one of the most corrosive forces in a caregiver's life.
Let me say this clearly: boundaries are not selfish. They are survival.
A boundary in caregiving is not about doing less. It is about being sustainable. If you burn completely out in month two of a year-long treatment process, your patient suffers. If you never sleep, never eat properly, never have a moment to yourself, you will not be capable of giving the care that is needed. Taking care of yourself is not in competition with taking care of them. It is the prerequisite for it.
Boundaries might look like: telling visitors you need to limit their time because you need to rest. Being honest when someone asks for something you cannot give right now. Asking for help with a specific task rather than trying to handle everything yourself. Taking a walk alone for twenty minutes. Saying "I need a night off" and arranging for someone else to be with your loved one.
None of these things make you a bad caregiver. None of them mean you love the person you are caring for less.
The hardest boundary is often saying no to your loved one directly. They may need things you cannot provide. They may want you available constantly in ways that are not sustainable. These are difficult conversations, and they may involve other family members, professional caregivers, or a social worker helping to redistribute the load. Having this conversation is not abandonment. It is honesty.
Seek out caregiver support groups or counseling. Being with other people who understand the unique exhaustion and complexity of caregiving can be profoundly relieving. You are not the first person to feel this stretched thin, and you will not be the last. Let the community of people who have walked this path remind you that what you are feeling is real, and that protecting yourself is not a choice between them and you — it is how you stay present for both.