Grief is always hard. But for most people, grief — however painful — is not clinically disabling. Over months and years, it changes. The acute pain softens somewhat. Life reorganizes itself around the loss. There are still hard days, still hard seasons, still moments when the loss rushes back as though it just happened. But there is also the slow return of the capacity to be present in life.
For some people, this does not happen. The grief does not change. It remains as acute, as disabling, as all-consuming as it was in the first weeks. This is called prolonged grief disorder, and it is a recognized clinical condition that responds to treatment.
Signs that your grief may have become complicated in ways that warrant professional attention include: an inability to function in daily life for an extended period; profound and persistent longing that does not diminish; difficulty accepting the reality of the loss even after many months; a feeling that life is permanently meaningless without the person who died; thoughts of wanting to die in order to be reunited with them; complete social withdrawal that has not eased over time.
None of these mean that you loved more than other people, or that you are weaker, or that you are broken. They mean that grief has become entangled with something — sometimes pre-existing depression or anxiety, sometimes the particular circumstances of the death, sometimes the nature of the relationship — in ways that require specialized support to untangle.
Therapy specifically designed for complicated grief — sometimes called Complicated Grief Treatment or Prolonged Grief Disorder treatment — has a strong evidence base. It is different from general grief counseling and different from standard depression treatment. If you recognize yourself in the description above, seeking out a therapist who specializes specifically in grief and loss is worth pursuing.
There is no shame in grief that needs clinical support. There is no shame in any grief. You are navigating one of the most difficult things a human being can go through. Getting help is the most self-compassionate thing you can do.